A game always afoot
Different versions of self
Each tailored, balanced
For a person or a situation
A version to make them laugh
A version to boast of empty shell
A version to mirror expectation
A version to cry alone
One, even for friends
One, even for the partner
One, even for the family
One amorphous for everyone else
True self always lurks
Hidden in the shadows
Calling the shots
An evil puppeteer
Petrified
Of being laughed at
Of being judged
Of being an outcast
Of being exposed
This fear of self worth
A sad constant
Amongst speeding electrons
To inevitable big bangs
Fear unknown to age
Yearning for love
Yearning for acceptance
Yearning for self worth
Self value
Validated externally
Oh the irony
The illogical bedrock
Boundary for a lesser life
I am sorry
I apologize
I regress
Too often
Time is an enemy
Amnesia for my mistakes
For my blunt actions
For the destruction I’ve caused
Bring your calm, my grace
A touch to the core
To this disturbed water
Sending ripples out
Calm. Still. Transparent
Help me tame the monster
It feeds and grows
Exerts more control
Thaws my essence, crows
A helpless servant
To my own ego
Aspiring to change allegiance
Get rid of, overthrow
Only one unbearable pull
Only one source of tears
An approval of my existence
An instruction of letting go
A safe space of loving embrace
An inescapable shield
Of protection from self
Harbor of unconditional love
Only you, Mother! Only you!
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